woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
