I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
