he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
