I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
