A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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