I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
