Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
