woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
