I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
