The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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