I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
