They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
