Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
