literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
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It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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