Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
