we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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