She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
