Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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