How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
