I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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