you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
