I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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