You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
