So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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