We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
