I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?