she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?