My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital