I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body