i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
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Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic