apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
