nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.