do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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