Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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