Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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