im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
