Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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