I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
