Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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