I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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