well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't deserve a penis
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
