her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I didn't shave. On purpose
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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