eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
