dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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