i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
