The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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