i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
