Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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