u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have aggressive nipples.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize