she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
