walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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