Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
