When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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