I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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