walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
