remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.