I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
