And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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