I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
