just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
