the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
