Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
