I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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