____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize