So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
