Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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