either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
