the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
