Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
farters have to be the big spoon...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
