I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
