Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
