I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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