Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
All I want is dick and wine.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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