i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
