I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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