okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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