walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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