just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
