My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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