she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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