you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
